Are You Feeling Disconnected in Your Relationship?
Are you feeling alone in your relationship? Are you worried that the connection you had with your partner is gone? Maybe you are unsatisfied with your sex life and feel unfulfilled, rejected and unappreciated. You may feel deeply hurt by your partner for past infidelities or actions that betrayed the trust you had built together. Do you find that you are repeating arguments over similar things without reaching resolution? Do you wish you could find a way to heal your relationship and restore intimacy, affection and mutual respect?
A disconnected relationship can feel isolating and lonely. When you were falling in love with your partner, you may not have expected to find yourself in a relationship that feels unsatisfying. You may be feeling afraid that this is your new normal or that the connection you once had is gone for good. Continued conflict – or even avoidance and lack of conversation – may lead you to you feel unseen and unheard by your partner. Maybe you just don’t know how to express your needs and desires in a way that leads to validation and understanding.
All Relationships Have Their Ups and Downs
No relationship is perfect or conflict-free. When we negotiate intimacy with another person, we are going to be challenged by internal and external stressors and difficulties. As you confront your own insecurities, vulnerabilities and areas of growth, you may also be struggling to empathize with those of your partner or feel like your partner can’t empathize with you. Over the course of a relationship, each partner will change and develop new perspectives, new interests and maybe new ways of relating. This can throw the equilibrium that your relationship has enjoyed off balance, and it will take work to keep up with these changes.
This is a natural progression of a relationship, and struggles are an opportunity for each of you to grow, learn and potentially evolve in your connection with each other and yourself. Most couples reach a point in their relationship when it is helpful to have an objective, experienced therapist help them navigate bumps in the road. Couples counseling could be just what you and your partner need to nurture connection, love and communication.
Through Couples Counseling, Things Can Get Better
You may know that relationships take work, but still feel at a loss when it comes toresolving places of conflict with your partner. Investing in couples counseling as a response to problems in a relationship is an effective way to address and improve your concerns. There is certainly value in developing or improving communication skills, but even more important than that will be to develop insight and understanding into yourself and your partner. We all come to relationships with a history – including our family dynamics, our upbringing and early partners – that informs how we navigate our current relationship. In order to engage your relationship on a conscious level, it’s important to gain a deep understanding of your own history and how it impacts you today.
Every relationship is unique, but often, there are common threads that can help us understand your current dynamics. Truest intimacy is found when both partners hold on to their individual selves – and acknowledge their own growth and change – while maintaining connection with each other. This can be harder than it sounds, as it requires vulnerability and soul searching on the part of each partner. When both you and your partner are willing to work at it, the bounds of intimate connection are limitless.
As we work together collaboratively in couples counseling, we will consider personal history, history of relationships and current dynamics. I will offer you a safe, compassionate and nonjudgmental place to do this work. I’m an experienced therapist who has facilitated couples counseling for over 10 years, helping partners grow individually and together. Some couples may determine that it is not in their best interest to continue the relationship and, in that case, we can direct our efforts at ending the relationship well. I approach this work with a belief that you have everything you need inside of you to have the fulfilling relationship you desire. With intentionality, hard work, and the willingness to be vulnerable, couples can heal, grow and find ways of relating that serve the relationship.
I still have questions about couples counseling…
Is couples counseling really necessary? I’ve heard it’s expensive.
Couples counseling is an investment in yourself and your relationship. You could think of it as preventative care in an effort to avoid the costly process of divorce or the emotional turmoil of a painful breakup. Chances are, if not addressed, the issues arising in this relationship will continue or, if you and your partner decide to separate, manifest in a relationship with someone else. Addressing these issues now will not only potentially preserve this relationship, but also equip you with insight and awareness that will serve you in all of your relationships, including the one you have with friends, family members and yourself.
My partner doesn’t want to see a therapist.
We can’t control our partners, no matter what we try. Relationships need both partners to commit to improving the dynamics between them. That being said, there is productive work you can do on your own that will impact your satisfaction in your relationship, including greater insight into your own feelings and more developed communication skills. You can’t change your partner, but you can gain a deeper understanding of yourself and validate your own experience in the relationship.
What if couples counseling brings up more issues or makes things worse?
Doing nothing is not usually the answer to improving a relationship. It’s more likely that doing nothing will ensure continued conflict and maybe even lead the situation to become worse. Unanticipated issues may arise in therapy because they are relevant to the conflictual dynamic. You will be in a safe environment to address whatever does come up and provided with ongoing support as you find your way to a more fulfilling partnership.
There’s No Time Like the Present
Call me at 303.941.4256 for a free 15-minute consultation and let’s see if couple’s counseling is something you and your partner could benefit from. You may also join my mailing list to receive my monthly newsletter.
Leslie’s style of interacting is down-to earth, unpretentious, and authentic. Leslie listens, carefully, thus is fully present in conversations. Leslie remembers details with amazing acuity and their responses are careful, thoughtful, and validating, and this in turn makes you comfortable and wanting to open up and share.